zeela

argh

2008-11-24T19:42:00.002+08:00

2 years later.
I'm going back to my old habits. Self-mutilation.
Cutting myself with the pen-knife just to feel satisfy.

Going through a very very fucked up life right now.
Which no one can ever imagine. Karma has got nothing to do with this.
Just something else.
I can't control with my anger and frustration these days.
I'm just not being myself, really.

Apologies to those people who got involved with my anger or whatsover.
I tend to get carried away with my feelings.
Especially when i'm already at the verge of giving up everything.

I'm trying my very best to remain strong.
I still need everyone to be by my side.
I need that strength and fullest support from you guys.
Please don't bring me down.

And please don't think negatively about me.
After what had happened.

hating myself

2008-11-23T13:41:00.002+08:00

I'm too angry with myself.
Don't bother asking why.

AND, I'M NOT OKAY.

whatever that means

2008-11-23T01:57:00.006+08:00

I'm putting a stop to whatever i'm doing.
I'm gonna stop daydreaming and just move on.

Well, that's the only best thing i could do just to help myself get away from this mess.
Plus, no point putting high hopes on it. I find it pointless. I know it's not gonna happen.

Furthurmore, i've made a very very very wrong move to blog about it. And i feel so ashamed of myself for doing so. I shall be very careful next time.

Now, matters of the heart will be locked inside me.
No more letting out on this blog.

I can't help it but to say i'm really sorry for what i did.

where art thou?

2008-11-17T21:06:00.001+08:00

I need someone who could make me smile more often now.

And that could only be......
you?

Camp Diamond '08

2008-11-16T17:35:00.003+08:00

I feel like pampering myself with Starbucks Chocolate Cream Chip, while sitting down at the sofas in the Esplanade Library, MUGGING. Hahaha!

Okay, that was so random Suzy.

And ola! I just got back from camping 3 hours ago.
It was super FUN, really.
But before you attend a camp like mine,
you have to be physically and mentally-prepared.
Because this camp is not like the ordinary leadership camp.
It was more of a BOOT CAMP! Very tough, seriously.

Continue reading and you'll know what i mean.

So, that Friday.

Reporting time was 6.30pm SHARP.
We were led by 2 camp commandos named, Eugene and ?
All of us were divided into 8 groups. Each group must come out with a name AND must follow according to the letters in the word, Diamond. I was in group 2. So all of us had to think of a name/word that starts with I. And we settled it with the word Imba.
Our facilitator was Farahizza. And it so happened that she knew Hafiz (my ex). I tell you more about this later.
And oh! We were given 45 minutes to come up with the name as well as designing our own flag. Of course, NOT ALL did manage to complete everything. We were a tad late when we had to settle down together. So, you know. Since this was a Leadership Camp and high standards were expected, we were given 20 pumpings as a punishment for not being punctual. Yessssss.
That includes, no smoking in one of the rules & regulations. (And thank GOD i managed to survive on this!)
We played some introduction games after that.
Sweets, 7 loaves of bread, uncountable Vitasoy and Milo packet drinks were distributed to each group. We had to last all these within the 3 days of camp.
I had to be in-charge in the first-aid, as usual. -___ -
Amirul was the flag-bearer. Derrick was the leader.

Saturday.

Then, came our first activity at 12am. Which was the Nightwalk.
And guess where we had to walk?
We goddamnmotherfucking had to walk all the way from East Coast Beach to Changi Beach Park!!
And this is no leisure walking. It's a competition! First group that arrives first will be given a lot of benefits. Just like being in the Survivor contest.
Before we began, we had Water Parade. It so reminds me of the time when Hafiz was still at HTA. Anyway, back to the story.
And not only we had to end the race first. We still had to go through activities/games at every checkpoints. So try to imagine doing an activity which involves in MATHS at 3am in the morning. I tell you, if you could solve it, then you are really not a human.
My whole group members were brain dead when we were assigned to do a Buddha clap that involves in multiples of 1 to 40. What's more? None of us could understand the instructions given because none of us knows how the game goes about. The game master just kept pressuring us to finish the game quickly instead of giving us some explainations. In the end, Amirul lost his temper and said something disrespectful to him. And the whole group had to do 10 pumpings, 3am in the morning. At Bedok Jetty. SUCKS!
At 4am, we only reached Changi. (Not the beach area.)
This was the time when the topic about Hafiz came about.
I was wearing my Springfield Sec P.E shirt. She saw it and asked, "Suzy, you're from Springfield eh?"
Me: "Yup. Why?"
She: "When did you graduated?"
Me: "Last year. 2007."
She: "So, you must have known Hafiz lah nie."
Me: "Hafiz maner?"
She: "Hafiz. From ITE Simei."
Me: "Hafiz???" (I swear i didn't know she was refering to my ex.)
She: "Alah. Hafiz Meow lah!"
I quickly stared at her in a big surprise.
Me: "You know him?! How did you know him?"
She: "Hafiz pernah talk about Farhanah to you tak?"
Me: "Yah. She's his classmate right?"
She: "Yup. And Farhanah is my sister."
Me: (still in a state of surprise) "Really?!"
She: "Yup, small world eh. You remember Jam & Hop?"
Me: "Oh yah yah! So that was you actually who tegur-ed him?"
She: "Yeahhh."
Me: "But how did you know that i know him?"
She: "Well, firstly it's because of your name. Secondly, Farhanah/Hafiz ever talked about the both of you to me."
And i went like oooooh. Honestly, i really hated it when his name was mentioned. The purpose i attended this camp is to keep myself busy and to stop myself from thinking about him. Urgh!
Anyway, so there was this particular never-ending road at Changi which will lead to Changi Beach Park. Before we went to walk on that road, we were stopped by our 2 organisers of the camp. They had actually warned us to be very careful on that stretch of road because..... they had encountered something very bad on that same road we're gonna walk. You know i know lah eh. But what made me pissed off was when they explained every single details of it. They already know that this kind of thing is not meant to be played around. It's okay if they only forewarned us. But telling us what they had actually saw and what actually had happened doesn't help at all. It just brings down the courage in some of us.
So, we were told that the boys had to surround the girls in order to protect us. But as you know, it didn't turn out that way. In the end, i was protecting everybody! I was also the only one who could manage to lead everyone by walking ahead first all the way from ECP to CBP. So to speak, my speed and stamina was the strongest amongst everyone despite being small size!
And yeah. When we were walking on that road, i felt a sudden cold wind blowing towards me. And i THINK i saw that thing too but i was still unsure. Cos it was really dark. Plus i saw that thing in one of the forested areas. My eyes could be playing tricks somehow. So, i just ignored and continued to lead the way.
Then Qidah and Amirul who were always the noisymakers suddenly kept quiet. Qidah kept telling me that she's feeling cold. Still, it doesn't stop me from leading the way. Then i told those people who were behind me to start talking and don't stop. And surprisingly, they listened to what i said. Not bad eh, Suzy. Heh!
We finally made it through, somehow. We reached Changi Beach Park at 6am.
We had breakfast by eating the loaves of bread. After that we were told to sleep while waiting for the bus to arrive to pick us up.
And i really slept NOT until someone had to destroy my beautiful sleep. And guess who that was? Nazri. He woke up and sat beside me while i was lying down, sleeping. I knew there was someone beside me but i couldn't be bothered to check who it is. Then suddenly, i felt a strong ray of light shine onto my eyes. I quickly opened my eyes and cursed when i saw it was him. He laughed at me and i just ignored. I went to close my eyes back. And suddenly i felt a huge weight on top of my tummy. I opened my eyes and saw that HE LITERALLY HAD HIS HEAD LYING ON TOP OF MY TUMMY!! I felt so embarassed loh. Cos i don't want other people to think the other way round.
Anyway, so yeah. Our bus arrived at 7am. Went back to school to have a shower and sleep for another hour. By 10am, we're off to Changi again. This time, kayaking. WOOHOO!
Lucky thing that my kayak didn't capsize. The waves were really strong. We had to kayak-ed wherever our coach went. Be it in the middle of the sea or the other end of the sea. We even managed to play some games while we were still in the water. Hahaha!
At the end of the day, my hands were really aching. Cos my fat partner wasn't really helping. Plus, we kayak-ed for like 4 to 5 hours. It was a TORTURE!
After that, we proceeded to Bukit Timah, to overnight in one of the MOE's Camping dorminatories. And hell yeah. I had a deja vu about that place.
Around 10pm, we had our own cooking session. Had sphagetti. Wasn't nice, honestly! But the red beans was superb! Too bad we only had a tin to ourselves.
Then later, we had ice-cream as our supper. A token from the lecturer in-charge for our perseverance and endurance in the nightwalk as well as kayaking. Nyum!
12 midnight, it was the start of our campfire! WOOHOO!
There was this particular game called the Friendship Dance. And it so happens that i had to dance with Nazri. Hilman and Peter were both looking at us, sniggering. I guess they already know about the both of us having a secret crush on each other. (They still don't know that i have a crush on him too! Shh!) Hahahaha. Our reactions were damn awkward, i tell you.
Him: "Alamak! You again!"
Me: "Okay, fine. I'll go to someone else."
Him: "Eh, jangan jangan. Takmo gi mana-mana."
I turned and looked. That boy was smiling and blushing away. Aww. LOL!

Sunday.

Had to wake up at 6am for some morning exercises. As usual, i was the last person to wake up. Knowing that we had only 15 minutes to get ready, i quickly grab my toothbrush and facial wash. I DIDN'T BATHE. LOL.
Afterwards, had our breakfast. With the remaining loaves of bread, again. Seriously, i'm already sick of eating bread now. I have no clue how many times i ate the bread already.
After that, we had some wet and dry activities. There were 4 stations. First was the Transferring game. Second was the Toothpaste game. Third was the Mascot game and last, i forgot what was it called. But it involves in running and catching other people. I didn't play the last game cos i was injured during the Mascot game. Somebody just really had to hit me hard with the waterbag and left a deep mad painful redness onto my right thigh. It was really big lor. Plus, another bloody moron had to hit me directly on my head. Seriously no mercy lah. Good thing i didn't suffer from any concussion. Cheebye btol!
And it so happens that the Medic Officer who checked on my injury was Faiz's friend's classmate. Suddenly she asked me this, "You Faiz's friend right?"
Me: *stunned* "Eh, how you know ah?"
She: "You know Ifah? She's my classmate. Plus, i always saw you everyday at the smoking alley."
Me: "Ah. Really ah? How come you're not familiar to me?"
She: "Don't know leh. But seriously i always saw you the smoking alley."
Okay whatever. Now, 2 unknown people could easily spot me in school. Who's next?
Anyway, back to the topic. Afterwards, we had a mass waterbomb game. Everyone is given a waterbomb each and you can throw at anyone you like. Nazri snatched my waterbomb cos he burst his accidentally! Cheebye btol! Then i told him to aim at Peter. Muahahaha!
I almost got my revenge back from the both of them. I quickly ran away. They tried real hard not to make it obvious. They changed their plan. When i saw Peter threw his at Hilman instead, i was seriously in a deep shit. Cos Nazri was just beside me suddenly, grinning at me away with his waterbomb at his hand. Good thing that the commando asked us to gather together when he was about to throw it at me. So he quickly kept it first. But in the end, the bag burst because he accidentally dropped it AGAIN! Muahahaha!
So, yeah. That was our last activity. We went to shower and had our debrief. Went back to school to have our prize presentation. Imba won for the Most Progressive group. Cool or what? And Nazri's group, which was Donuts, won for the Best Teamwork. Weeee~

u p d a t e

2008-11-13T20:28:00.006+08:00

Camwhoring session 3 days ago.
With the people who never fails to brighten up my days.
You guys are LOVED!

And just so you know, i'll be away for a moment.
So, don't expect any updates from me until Sunday.
Cos i'll be attending a leadership camp in school.
Will try to update as soon as i can about the camp once i'm back.
Can't wait to check out HOT guys from other cca's. Heh!

Till then, miss me! :D

-P.S-
For those who have read my previous entry, thank you for your concerns. I'm okay now. (:

confession

2008-11-11T22:38:00.004+08:00

Khai once told me, the only way for you to forget your ex completely is to put up a brave front and meet up with him one day.

Which in fact, i just did.
Today, a few hours ago.

But somehow, it caused my heart to break even more.

The reason i even agreed to meet Hafiz is firstly,
to see myself whether i've completely moved on.
And secondly, i had no other choice cos i had to pass him back his friend's handphone, through him.

Everything started really well, seriously.
I was able to joke with him and stuffs.
But not until he started to share his personal problems with me.
Which included, talking back on our past. From the first day we met.
Somehow, he will slipped in our past matter to every serious conversation we had.
Be it the crisis he's having with his girlfriend right now.
He will start talking about it no matter what.

I don't even know why his friend would even join in.
Can't they be sensitive that a girl's heart will forever remain fragile?
And it takes seriously a longer time than expected to heal it.
I was seriously crying inside my heart whenever the both of them brought up the past.
The pain was too unbearable. I almost wanted to flee off and go home.
But i don't want to see myself being such a coward.
That's why i've decided to stay on and listen to his problems.
Trying my role as a friend towards him. A challenge which i've never took before.

But now, it has proven that i can't even be his friend.
And the only way for me to get going with life is for him to stop messaging me and to look up upon me.
And honestly, i'm really happy seeing him moving on with his life.
The problem is just me.
Me who simply couldn't forget the past and still dwells on it.

Because, he's the ex that i once truly loved the most.
It's actually me, who is not moving on afterall.

And the only way, is to break off this friendship ties i have with him.

The time has come.

2008-11-10T21:32:00.003+08:00

It's time for me:

to hit the GYM. (i need my stamina back.)
to open that books of mine. (tests are around the corner.)
to adjust my timing of sleep. (must STOP waking up late and not sleep during lectures!)
to stop skipping lectures. (otherwise i have no clue what is it all about.)
to watch what i eat. (i don't want my weight to increase till 50kg.)
to forget the bittersweet memories of me and him COMPLETELY. (a MUST!)
and to get serious with my driving lessons. (no more forking out another money to pay for retests etc. biler mau selesai mcm gini siol.)

Hmm. Did i miss out anything?

untitled

2008-11-09T21:14:00.002+08:00

I like to move it move it ~

I WANNA WATCH MADAGASCAR 2! Anyone?
I know Naz would wanna watch. It's his favourite! LOL.

-P.S-
2 more days. Can i not meet you?

♥if a girl cried for u♥

2008-11-08T12:41:00.004+08:00

If a girl cries in front of you,
it means that she couldn't take it anymore.

If you take her hand,
she would stay with you for the rest of your life.

If you let her go,
she couldn't go back to being herself anymore.

A girl won't cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she loves the most,
she becomes weak.

A girl wont cry easily,
only when she loves you the most,
she puts down her ego.

Guys,
if a girl cries because of you please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.

If a girl cries because of you, please don't give her up.
Maybe because of your decision, you'll ruin her life.

When she cries right in front of you,
when she cries because of you, look into her eyes.
Can you see and feel the pain and hurt she's feeling?

Think.

Which other girl have cried with pure sincerity, infront of you and because of you?
She cries not because she is weak.
She cries not because she wants sympathy.
She cries because crying silently is no longer possible.
The pain, hurt, agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.

Think about it.

If a girl cries her heart out to you, and all because of you,
it's time to look back on what you have done.
Only you will know the answer to it.
You might have indirectly the cause of her changing in person!
Do consider it.

Because one day,
it may be too late for regrets.
it may be too late to say "im sorry".

Ponder this message seriously.

HSM 3

2008-11-07T23:01:00.003+08:00

I know this can be really late but i've just caught HSM 3 with kak nadiah just now! LOL.
And yeah. I think i'm gonna watch it again with my mum someday.
She was yelling at me over the phone when i told her about it.

Me: Umi, i'm gonna reach home late. Watching HSM 3 with kak nadiah kat cineleisure.
Mum: Whyyyyy you never ajak me also??!! You know i love that kind (musical) of movies!
Me: Takpelah. I can watch with you again. I don't mind. Heh.

But really lah. I wanna watch it again! (although i'm not really a fan of it. ironic isn't it?)

crazy thursday

2008-11-06T21:19:00.005+08:00

Declaration to the world:
I'VE BEEN SKIPPING LECTURES IN SCHOOL! (and i'm so not proud of it.)

On the lighter note, school has made my life seem enjoyable nowadays. Thanks to my crazy classmates, i really had a good, wait no, GREAT time just now. Especially during our 2hrs break at AMK's KFC. Craaaaaazy, i tell you!

Calene actually had invited half of the class to join her to eat at KFC. Me, being the food-lover, quickly said okay although i was still full at that point of time. Alah, i cannot resist KFC's finger-lickin-good meal lah!

So, there were 13 of us. And since NR0813 are always the noisymakers, please expect some ONLOOKERS. We will always be the center of attraction regardless wherever we are. Heh.

And yup. So, the start of chaos goes like this.

(While in the queue to buy the food)

Poh Ling the ah-lian wannabe: What are you gonna eat?
Me: Don't know. It's either the popcorn chicken or the 2 -pieces chicken meal. But i feel like eating the 2-pieces meal.
Poh Ling the ah-lian wannabe: If you want to eat that, use the KOPON lah!

At first, i swear i had no clue what she was saying. I looked at Kak Nadiah (who was in the other side of the queue), she only gave a blank face.

I think again. KOPON. What the hell is KOPON?

And so suddenly, it just struck me that she was trying to say COUPON. I laughed at her for her extraordinaire language. The way she said it was very funny. What's more? The first part of her sentence was pleasant to hear cos she said it in a proper english. But then, at the end of it, HANCUR! Seriously, i didn't expect anything like that. And i bet the people who were lining up behind us heard her. Cos she had said it loud and clear! Embarassing kan! LOL.

The next one was about the conversation between her and Calene. Apparently, the girls were talking about this particular hot guy in dragonboat. I couldn't recall the exact sentence but i overheard Poh Ling pronounced 'chance' as 'chan'. I didn't think anyone had noticed it lor. Again, i repeated the way she said it. The next minute, i heard, "Suzzzzzyyyyyyyyyylaaaaaaaa!!!!!!" at the other end of the seat.

Hahahaha.

Then, Elsa warned me, "Suzyla, you better don't talk to Poh Ling."

Hahahaha. I am so EVIL!

But the fun didn't stop till there, though. It continued while we were walking back to school. Oh well, only me, kak nadiah and dhab would know what i meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Heh!

And i shall end the entry with pictures of me, kak nad, dhab and mei-lin. My girlfriends in school. (:

*NDM, i choose you!

*NDM - Nadiah, Dhab, Mei-Lin

-P.S-
Blood donation was GEREK!

2008-11-04T21:31:00.003+08:00

Deras hujan yang turun

Aku menangis

Memeluk bayangmu

Derai air mataku

Membasuh hati

Terluka….kau tinggalkan aku

Cinta putih yang kan kau beri

Namun tak sempat kau ungkapkan

Mengisi kehampaan hatiku disini sebening embun pagi

Luruh menetes di dedaunan

Kutangisi kepergianmu, cinta

Astrology

2008-11-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

I've just realised something. I can only click well with Virgo guys. Hahaha!

A favour.

2008-11-03T21:18:00.003+08:00

Although i have this urge to ask, i'm forcing myself not to.
I don't want to cause any disturbance.

I want to move on.

your sudden comeback

2008-11-02T20:50:00.005+08:00

Mungkin hanya Tuhan yang tahu segalanya
Apa yang ku inginkan di saat-saat ini
Kau takkan percaya
Kau selalu di hati
Haruskah aku menangis
Untuk mengatakan yang sesungguhnya

Kaulah segalanya untukku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkinku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang.

My upcoming entries are gonna be sappy, emotional and sad.
Don't wish to elaborate it. Cos if i do, i'll tear up.
And i hate it. All i want is to see myself happy.

And hopefully, the next few days in school will help to get rid of this misery.

To my dear friends out there,
if you happen to see me not being myself, please just leave me alone. Don't bother asking what's wrong. All i need at this moment is a space to breathe alone.

-P.S-
I beg you to go away from me. Please.

jiwang mode

2008-11-02T00:20:00.005+08:00

Ke Mana Kau Menghilangkan Diri

mengapa kau melarikan dirimu?
ku rasa sayu
ku ingin kau di samping ku
seperti waktu dahulu

kemana kau menghilangkan dirimu?
ku rasa rindu
ku mencari mu di singgahsana

dan aku hilang tempat bermanja
engkau pula bersuka ria

ke mana kau menghilangkan diri?
ku yang mencari
manakah janji dah sumpah setia mu?
yang kau berikan kepada ku

apakah kesalahanku padamu?
dan juga tingkah laku ku itu
sehingga kau menghilangkan dirimu
dan aku kehilangan mu

dan aku hilang tempat bermanja
kau pula bersuka ria

ke mana kau menghilangkan diri?
ku yang mencari
manakah janji dah sumpah setia mu
yang kau memberikan kepada ku

apakah kesalahanku padamu?
dan juga tingkah laku ku itu
sehingga kau menghilangkan dirimu
dan aku kehilangan mu

tolonglah kembali ke pangkuan ku
ku ingin bersama mu
seperti waktu dahulu
kita berdua.....gembira.

the ex part ii

2008-11-01T12:02:00.002+08:00

As expected, the ex is trying to be nice with me back.
He texted me again at 11am (just as when i was about to dozed off to sleep. i left Yishun at about 9.40am by the way.)
The first message was about the handphone.
Then, we were discussing the day to handover it.
Next, when i said i wasn't free on Monday because of my driving lessons,
He goes on asking where i'm taking and stuffs and put aside the topic which we were supposed to talk about.

Irritating kan?

I was SUPPOSED to be ignoring him.
Why am i following suit to his conversations?

absurd

2008-11-01T01:22:00.004+08:00

Is this some kind of an old school trick?

Imagine your ex who you've not been contacting for such a long time suddenly called you using his office number. You didn't pick up and then suddenly there came a message from him stating,

"Sori...criusly i pressed the wrong number...I didn't mean to disturb your life...paisey..."

So, tell me.
What are his true intentions?
To check whether i'm still using the same number so that he probably would contact me back anytime soon? Or what?

Think about it.
He dialled using his office number.
Not his handphone.
And after that, there came a text message from him.

Chibai!
I hate this kind of guys.
I've already moved on and there he goes appearing in my life back again!
Fuck you, idiot!

Anyway, meeting Khai later at 2.30am.
Gonna continue our ton at Macdonald's Northpoint.
Member went home to eat first. LOL.
And i'm currently at my cousin's house to freshened up after the party.

By the way, the party wasn't that great!
Should have gone to Zouk.

To kill time

2008-10-30T20:46:00.002+08:00

While waiting for my PSP game to finish downloading, i'll do this.
Stole it from Hajjar (again!). LOL!

1)Do you always answer your phone?
. duh. then what's the point to have a handphone for my own?

2) Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
. some soul who couldn't get to sleep, i suppose.

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
. light brown.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
. where the hell is Sonic?

5)Do you own a digital camera?
. yup yup.

6)Have you ever had a pet fish?
. yes. my dad used to keep luohan last time. LOL.

7) Favorite Christmas song
. Jingle Bells. What other christmas song do you think i would listen to?

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
. having someone i love to celebrate it with me. (:

9) Can you do push ups?
. eh, you think i'm a weakling?

10) Can you do a chin up?
. no! i got no strength to pull myself up. heh.

11)Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
. actually, nervous. cos life can be very unpredictable.

12) Do you have any saved texts? Who are they from and what do they say?
. yup. most of them are from Naz, Dyla, Zul(Hilman), Mamat and who else? i don't know lah!

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
. nope. don't wish to.

14) Do you have an accent?
. accent? malay lor.

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
. i don't listen to sentimental songs. *warning! warning!*

16) Plans tonight?
. sleeeeep. i've not been having enough rest.

17)Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
. like ohh yeahh!

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
. Sunsilk hair lotion. Food. And more food.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
. not roses but white lilies. i hate roses!

20) Current worry?
. money. i've not been thrifty.

21) Current hate right now?
. boredom. i'm sick of boredom!

22) Met someone who changed your life?
. yes. ME! I'm becoming more independent now. (:

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
. not i bring in the New Year. the New Year brought me in. LOL!

24) What song represents you?
. Ramzi - Your Love Is Blind

25) Name three people who might complete this?
. i have no freaaaking idea.

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
. maybe not. i do not want to go through the sufferings again.

27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
. yup. but shits happened. so everything has to end.

28) Do you have any tattoo/piercing?
. no tatoos but piercings.

29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
. i rather not. i wanna enjoy life first. i'm still young.

30) Does anyone love you?
. i have no freakiiinnnng idea.

31) Would you be a pirate?
. why not? i wanna be someone else but not me.

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
. all kinds. haha.

33) Ever had someone sing to you?
. haha. many times. (:

34) When did you last cry?
. a month ago?

35) What is in your pocket?
. kosong.

36)Do you like to cuddle?
. VERY! but i hate cuddles given my girl-friends!

37) Have you held hands with anyone today?
. nope.

38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
. myself? haha. i'm vain!

39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
. all the way from boybands to the music nowadays.

40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
. 2.

41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
. NEW! (:

42) Do you like pulpy orange juice?
. what the hell is pulpy?

43) What is something your friends make fun of you for?
. my height. just bcos i'm born SHORT. Hrmph!

45) Do you like to play Scrabble?
. VERY! my favourite!

46) What are you saving your money up for right now?
. to get more new items.

47) When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
. i don't eat peanut butter. but jelly? rarely.

48) What song do you want played at your funeral?
. oi! org smua baca doa. bukan main lagu!

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
. was online. chatting with khai about our plans for the party.

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
. i don't wanna go to school!!

BLOODY HELL!
It's only 21% downloaded!

A new friend

2008-10-30T16:20:00.003+08:00

The wonders of technology.

It all started from a message by a random guy in Tagged.

Him: Hey, if i'm not wrong u're from NYP rite?
Me: Yup. How did you know that i'm from NYP?
Him: Can say everyday in school i saw u.. lols
Me: Everyday? I think i just saw you today. During lunch hour. Hahaha. Next time tegur, okay? I can be oblivious sometimes. Hahaha.
Him: Yea yea... I was in the smoking area...at the main entrance rite?...i saw u... pikir nak tegur... but takot u don't recognise...
Me: Yeahh. So, i was right afterall. Haha. Nevermind nevermind. Now you can start tegur-ing whenever you see me there. Hahaha. :)

You know what? I didn't think i could be easily recognised/spotted in school.
Now, i find it scary that people could recognise me but i don't!
I feel like as though i'm surrounded by many stalkers. LOL!

Aku kan fo-fu-lar pe!
Hahahahahaha!

randomonium

2008-10-29T23:01:00.003+08:00

Good thing i came for guitar lessons today.
Seriously had uber FUN.
With Naz forever disturbing me. Lalalalalallaal!

On a much happier note,

Naz, Hilman and I (not to forget 3 other chinese guitar club members) were selected by our seniors to attend the Leadership Camp on the 14th Nov till 16th Nov. The 3 of us have already decided to attend BUT none of us are ready to get committed to it. YES, not ready! Not ready to take the role as a President/Vice-President etc for guitar club. Hah!

And yes. Khai (the ex) and i are gonna gatecrash for the school's Halloween OVERNIGHT Party. Yeah yeah. Was told there are 2 sessions. One is from 6pm till 10pm. The other one is from 10am till 8am. So, WE are gonna stay overnight. Wahoooo!

Khai: So, what are you gonna wear to the party?
Me: I can't tell you. It's a surprise. You'll know on the day itself.
Khai: [starts wondering and guess all sorts of things]
Me: *laughing*
Khai: Hey, wanna gatecrash for the overnight party?
Me: You serious wanna gatecrash?
Khai: *nods head eagerly* Main kaysiow ah. Amacam?
Me: Orite ah! SET! :D

So, on Friday, chaoooooooos!

great yet boring day!

2008-10-28T20:21:00.007+08:00

HALLOWEEN PARTY this Friday, in school!
Can't wait!
Can't wait!
Can't wait!

I'm gonna dress as a Rockstar.
Khai's gonna dress as Willy Wonka.
Wait, actually, more like Willy WANKER.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

And yeah. I was indeed SURPRISE when you suddenly called me.
Too bad i couldn't hangout with you longer.
But nevertheless, it's great to have a short chat after sooooo long of not hanging out together at our usual spot. (:

And tomorrow, karaoke-ing!!

And oh yah!
Carissa has been pestering me to join the "So You Think You Can Sing" contest in school with her. We're not duet-ing, of course. We're joining as individuals.
So, should i?

-P.S-
As expected, i failed my BTT. Blame it on me because i actually didn't study thoroughly. Plus the last-minute thingy doesn't help either. Hahahaha! Suzy macam sial!

bored

2008-10-27T22:35:00.003+08:00

Got this from Hajjar in friendster.

1. Where were you at 5:00 AM this morning?
* i was in my dreamland.

2. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
* alamak! besok is my BTT. and i havent studied yet.

3.What did you do last night?
* jamming with my bandmates.

4. What do you hope to do this weekend?
* jamming and hanging out.

5. What song are you listening to?
* Red - All Over.

6. How's your heart lately?
* good. it's still beating.

7.What were you doing at 7 a.m. this morning?
* still sleeping.

8. What were you doing yesterday afternoon?
* jamming. i had to sing although i was having a sore throat!

9. Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
* sort of. but at the same time, i'm glad it's all over.

10. What was the reason you last cried?
* cos someone had to just break my heart.

11. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
* as in literally high? if i high on craziness boleh?

12. Have you ever cried while in the shower?
* yeah. when i simply had to hide my tears from everyone.

13. Have you ever, in anyway, been betrayed by someone you trusted?
* duh!

14. When was the last time you were given roses?
* does white lilies counted? if so, it's like a year ago.

15. Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
* FRIED MARS BARS!

16. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
* yah. a lot of times!

17. Do you drink tea?
* yup.

18. Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste?
* i cant imagine not to wet it. cos the toothpaste will be sticky!

19. Where do you wanna get married?
* at the Singapore Flyer. in one of the cabins.

20. What day of the week did/will your birthday fall on this year?
* Wednesday. but my birthday over already lehh!

21. What’s the closest pink thing to you?
* the curtains

22. Any plans for tonight?
* study for my BTT.

23. Do you know anybody named Carlo?
* carlo?

24. Are you mad at anyone right now?
* nopez.

25. Why?
* because they didnt do anything to make me mad? ehh, what a stupid qn to ask!

26. What's your favorite sayings?
* yeahh right.

27. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
* because he has destroyed everything!

28. Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken?
* the heartbroken.

29. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
* bread and curry daging.

30. Name a quote from the song you are listening to now?
* "she got eyes of the bluest skies..."

monday monday!

2008-10-27T00:59:00.002+08:00

I miss someone from my past.

Have you forgotten me, thoroughly?
Have you?

Each time when i miss you, i tend to visit your blog.
I'll read all the past entries you wrote and reminiscent those times.
Sometimes it brought me to tears.
Sometimes it brought me to joy.
Half of me wants that 'everlasting love' to revive back.
But i doubt the day will happen (again).
Cos, you really meant what you said that time.
Just by listening to your voice.
And i, have already made a promise to myself and my friends that,
I W I L L N E V E R G E T B A C K T O Y O U.

The decision is a HAVE TO.
Not a WANT TO.
For that particular sake.

-P.S-
Happy Deepavali!

the weekend

2008-10-26T12:50:00.002+08:00

As expected, i was unable to wake up early to go for my hair rebonding.
Chisssssssssssssssssssssss!
And i doubt i could find another day to do it.
Cos tomorrow is a public holiday. (i don't think the shop will be open.)
And tuesday i'll be schooling. Yada yada yada.

FEW MORE HOURS TO JAMMING!

OH SHIT!
I just remembered.
My BTT is in 2 days.
And i've not started studying!

sinuses plus unstoppable coughs at this hour

2008-10-26T01:05:00.003+08:00

That's it.
I'm gonna do something to my hair tomorrow.
Perhaps rebond it.
Cos i simply can't maintain my natural curly hair!

And what do you mean by, "Stare at me"?
Are you hinting me on something?

-P.S-
Jamming tomorrow. Gonna duet with Naz. (:

Amiran's

2008-10-24T23:18:00.005+08:00

Sheesha at Amiran's was the BOMB today!
Although i still have that bad sore throat. Hee!
Surprisingly, my voice is almost back to normal.
BUT, the cough is still there. Still itch like hell lot. GRR!
Nevertheless, i managed to enjoy every minute of non-stop laughter with,

Azrin
Khai
Julee
Liyana
Nadiah
Aishah
2 of Khai's friends.

They really rock my smelly socks!
Snap snap snap. Here goes the pictures. :)
Not in random order.

The rest of the pictures are here.

the new partner

2008-10-23T22:14:00.002+08:00

Meet Suffian.
He's the guy with the best talents that i ever met.
He could sing.
He could dance.
He could compose songs and create new melodies.
He could play the guitar (better than me, of course).
He could play the drums.
He could play the keyboard.
And what else?
The best joker of all.
I almost lost my voice due to non-stop laughter with him.
Oh well, i had fun chilling out with him & his friends just now.

And thanks for pinching my cheeks, you dumbass! :P

lalalalalala

2008-10-21T23:12:00.003+08:00

OMIGOD!

I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIS VOICE OVER THE PHONE!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

LOVE STRUCK LOVE STRUCK!
I'm seeing cupids everywhere!

-P.S-
Thank you for willing to talk to me over the phone although i sound really bad. (:

case of a bad sore throat

2008-10-21T20:59:00.004+08:00

I'm proud to say that,

I'M LOSING MY SWEET VOICE!

Now, i sound like a rocker.
NO. Wait. I sound more like a person who has just gone for a throat surgery.
I can't even laugh, shout or raise my voice even a bit.
Cos my throat hurts badly if i do.
Blame on the cigarettes.
Been smoking more than the amount i should.

Mum: What happened to your voice?!
Me: Cool kan? Mcm rockstar. *silent laughter*
Mum: *shakes head* Tu lah. Isap rokok banyak lagi.
Me: *smiled and walked away*

Isn't it cool that my whole family knows that i smoke?
I don't even have to hide from them anymore. YAY!

the pathogens strike back.

2008-10-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

In times like this, i really need someone who could be there to give me comfort, warmth and love. I really need someone who would always be there to check on me, to see whether i'm okay or feeling better the next day.

Cos apparently, i'm falling sick.
Not love sick but terminally ill.

I'm infested by the germs around me, coming from my brother, Mamat and Dhab.

ARGH!

My knight in shining armour, where art thou?

monday mayday!

2008-10-20T20:09:00.005+08:00

Second week of school, a long day indeed.
I finally dozed off during Biological Science practical lab.
Which was the last 2 hours of the day in school.
BUT, as always, someone would disturb me.
And that is none other than Sharifah Nora Dhabitah Binte Syed Sheikh!

And the rest of the days were spent camwhoring.

-P.S-
My throat hurts!

Fall For You

2008-10-19T11:29:00.004+08:00

"Cos tonight will be the night that i'll fall for you over again. Don't make me change my mind. I will live to see another day, i swear it's true. Because a girl like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find."

Too addicted to that song already.

One the lighter note, the date went out fine. (:
He's CUTE!

Yes people, i'm seeing someone.
Tralalalala.

another entry

2008-10-17T23:56:00.003+08:00

I apparently forgotten to update my blog involving my everyday life. DAMN.

Whatever it is, my day turned out to be fun with Muhammad Nazri bin idontknowwhathisfathersname a few hours ago. I had actually 'cordially' invited him to Tampines with me because i wanted to look for something. Plus, it's been ages since i stepped my foot down there. So, why not Tampines, right?

As usual, whatever stuffs that i was SUPPOSED to look for i give it a missed. I bought other things instead, which one of them was my blusher. LOL! Poor Naz had to follow me wherever i go especially to all those sections which he doesn't like. -you know what i mean. :P -

Then, we went to search for his hardrive at a very affordable price. He took the one that has 160GB space memory at the cost of $89. Cheap eh? Afterwhich, i helped him to look for his PSP at a very trusted place. And that boy was so delighted when he bought it. I mean, c'mon. Isn't it worth it to buy $400 PSP SLIM consisting of all of its accessories and modified & upgraded version with free games given? Rather than you buy the one which cost about the same price BUT without a full set of accessories and no free games given? I tell you, Naz was pretty reluctant to buy at first. But somehow, i managed to psycho him and eventually made him feel happy and satisfied. LOL. So much for studying Psychology, you know. *winks*

Anyway, while waiting for his PSP to be modified, we had a funny yet nonsensical talk together. All regarding about our band.

Me: I don't know why but i'm not used to singing with the microphone. It's either i sound too low or tak berbunyi langsung.

Naz: HAHAHAHA! You got to have the confidence. Be bold, man. And you're really wierd. Wierd wierd punya wierd. Wierd + wierd = apa?

Me: Wierd + Wierd = ORBIT.

And that boy laughed hysterically at my jokes. That guy ah. Aiyah, don't know what to say already. I guess it was too funny till he had to put it at his PM. But seriously, i don't find it funny.

Now, that's what i call a WIERD ASSHOLE!

A good reminder, in everything give thanks

2008-10-17T22:41:00.005+08:00

I teared a little bit upon reading this. It's so meaningful. Read on.

A blind girl hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her.
When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything,including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.
The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.
She hadn't expected that.
The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, before they were yours, they were mine. '

This is how the human brain often works when our 'status changes'.

Only a very few remember what life was like before and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's crying out for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you argue about your dirty house that someone didn't clean
or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who must walk the same distance.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they
had your job.

Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without error and we all answer to God.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Twilight Thursday

2008-10-16T23:35:00.006+08:00

I rate this movie, 5 stars! AWESOME.

And Tagged is already like my playground.
Where random guys will keep on adding me.
Then left me a message/comment.
And start to ask me questions like where do i live, single/attach etc.
Why can't they just ask for my MSN and have an instant chat?!
FOR GOD'S SAKE! I'm tired of logging in each time just to reply them!
Plus, i really hate it when they're only acquaintances.
I NEVER LIKE IT when guys just added me for FUN,
just to increase their number of friends!
ARGH! IRRITATING LIKE HELL!

-P.S-
Me? HOTSTUFF?! C'mon! You blind or what?!

overdue picas

2008-10-16T09:10:00.005+08:00

When was the last time i ever had my entry updated with pictures?
Hmmmmmm.

the ex

2008-10-14T23:34:00.003+08:00

I really miss having someone,

who would call me funny names.
who would entertain with my silly jokes.
who would check on me to see whether i'm okay.
who would do anything for the sake of true love.
who would give me constant hugs and kisses.
who would cry when he misses me.
who would show the world that i'm the only one in his entire life.

And among all the people i've dated, it has to be YOU.
Yes, you, Muhd Hafiz.
2 months later, i'm still missing you.
Although you've hurt me terribly.

I guess i wasn't a great girlfriend when we're together.
Just so you know, your words still haunt me.
Those hurtful words of yours.

If only you didn't overjudge me.

But what can i do?
I can't change your mindset.
So, i simply had to let go.

In 10 minutes time, the clock will strike 12.
Back in 2006, at this time round, you had crawled back into my life.
That was the day when we patched up.
But now, at the very same timing, you're not here.
I guess you really meant your words.
You really had your last goodbye.

And i know you have moved on.
You have found your replacement.
Who looks exactly like me.
Who has the same interest as me.
And who has the same characteristics as me (perhaps).

Although you're not reading this right now,
because i've changed my link,
but for the sake of my readers who would make as my witnesses,
from the bottom of my heart,
i'm really happy seeing you moving on
although i still yearn for your love.

Take care of your girlfriend really well.
I will not anticipating for 150306 comeback.
2 months is enough for me to wait,
and for me to see that you really want to move on.

to whom it may concern

2008-10-14T20:41:00.004+08:00

I'm calling it off.
Yes, no strings attached between us anymore.
I'm sorry that i didn't pick up your call last night.
Honestly, i really can't trust you anymore.
I see no proof. I see no reason for the avoidance.
You went in a fit of anger when i asked you why.
And from that day onwards, i've stopped contacting you.
Simply because, i do not want to get into any fights.
I thought by remaining silent, you'd eventually try to cool down.
I simply waited for your calls/messages.
But still there is no sign of you.
And only yesterday, you called me.
I didn't answer because i simply couldn't bring myself to talk to you.
I wonder what you want.
I texted you twice after that.
But there were no replies from you.
I wonder what's happening.
Cos everything is just too confusing.
But i could tell, you're really not serious with me.
But one thing for sure, i'm not cheating on you.
I didn't get to know any guys when you/me tried to avoid each other.
The reason i'm calling it off is because,
I REALLY CAN'T TRUST YOU anymore.

Although you've told me many times that you've changed,
but my mind still thinks that you're not.
By looking at your character, i already know.
You're not ideal for me, at all.

I'm sorry.
But i simply had to this.

first day of school, semester 2

2008-10-13T21:46:00.002+08:00

If everyday was 9-6, i guess i'll quit school.
I felt super lethargic when i got back home just now.
I've never felt this tired up till the point i COULD even have a short dream during the bus ride.
S E R I O U S L Y seh. But as always, my dream will never meet its ending.
I was suddenly awaken by the voice of kak nadiah, telling me to wake up.
Chiss! If only she didn't wake me up..........

In a nutshell,
school was a-okay.

As usual, NR0813 are the noisymakers in the lecture theatre.
But with the additional of 2 newcomers, i guess it'll get a lot worse.
Yes, Mei'Lin and Hassan joined us as students for the October intake.
I guess it's gonna take time for them to blend in with our baboon behaviour.
But one thing's for sure, Faiz won't feel lonely anymore!
He has a new partner, bebehh. Finally, MALE BONDAGE in NR0813! ;)

Hahaha!

And i've just dyed my hair. It's my third attempt now! Bluergh!

S.H.R

2008-10-11T22:48:00.004+08:00

Salamz from Suzy and Nadiah! (:

*Psst!*
Doesn't my cheeks look like 2 kueh pau?

Tomorrow, JAMMING!
And i'm SOOOO not prepared!
And i don't think i can even wake up early!
And i doubt my feet's gonna heal by tomorrow!

& i'm worn out! :(

Semester 2

2008-10-10T16:57:00.003+08:00

The new time-table for sem 2 is rather sucky.
Most of the days i'm gonna end late.
And my FRIDAYS are loaded with lectures.
From morning till late noon. From Week 1 till Week 17.
Can you believe it??!!

ARGGGHHHH!

I can die lah!
I can die!

And i have this great gut feeling that Fridays will be my 'skippingclasses' day.
You can't expect me to listen to lectures for the whole day whaaat.

Cos,
I can die lah!
I can die!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Mixed confusions

2008-10-09T21:53:00.003+08:00

Presenting to you, raya outing with the bandmates pictures. (with an exception of Jasman)
It was taken last night. Very very late last night. I only reached home at 1am. Pfft!

And I really couldn't stop laughing at these pictures because,
[1] none of us knew that we were doing the same pose until we look back at the picture (esp the first one).
[2] we didn't plan to wear any colour coordination/combination.

SO, everything was a COINCIDENCE. (:

And now, let me introduce them to YOU.
(From left: Nazri, Hilman, ME and Khai)

All pictures were taken at Nazri's house - the last house for the day.

And this Sunday, JAMMING! Weeeeeeeeee~

-P.S-
I'm seeing a replica of me.
Now, i'm the one who has to tolerate all the anger.
Now, i'm the one who has to be patient.
Am i dealing with a temperamental boyfriend?
And does that explains why YOU didn't contact me last night?
All because, things happened and you wouldn't want to tell?
Is that it?

i fucken addicted to this song!

2008-10-09T15:43:00.003+08:00

*sings to the Discovery Channel tune*

I love the mountains.
I love the clear blue skies.
I love big bridges.
I love when great whites fly.
I love the whole world.
And all the sights and sounds.

Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada

I love the oceans.
I love real dirty things.
I love to go fast.
I love Egyptian kings.
I love the whole world
And all its craziness.

Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada

I love tornados.
I love arachnids.
I love hot magma.
I love the giant squids.
I love the whole world.
It's such a brilliant place.

Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada
Boom de yada, Boom de yada

you!

2008-10-09T14:39:00.004+08:00

I miss the staffs in TTSH. :(
And of course, the food specialities down there. Heh!

And yes. I knew from the start that your words are just lies.
Look at what you're doing to me now?
Abandoning and avoiding me all night long.
So this is what you meant by you've changed?
MY FOOT, ass! You're full of fucken nonsense.

Lucky thing that i was playing with your feelings all along.
Because i know, a tiger will never change its stripes.
NEVER.

-P.S-
Jasman's mum gave a bracelet she made by herself to me.
Utterly speechless lah! It's so beautiful! And so nice of her.
Thank you, cik. (:

oh p.s

2008-10-08T01:54:00.003+08:00

I pretty much don't like you.
First impression comes first, dude.
Remove your piercings, or whatever not.
Then, i'll start to fall for you.

Thank you.

-P.S-
So what if you love me?
So what if you repent?
I still have no feelings for you.
Although i'm already your girlfriend.

Yes, i'm deadly evil.

first day of raya

2008-10-07T01:14:00.007+08:00

Finally, raya pictures with the Al-Edrus family are here.
Not really a complete family portrait yet.
Cos there are still more family members missing.
Whatever it is, happy viewing! (:

weight issues

2008-10-06T19:30:00.002+08:00

I've been eating more junk foods instead of a proper meal nowadays.
Even if it's a proper meal, it's not a complete one.
I guess my carbohydrate level is decreasing due to lack of eating rice.
I don't know why, but i simply hate eating rice now! LOL.

And i think i want to hit my 42kg back. It's possible.
My body can lose and gain weight easily. Without even exercising. Cool eh?
So, i what i need to do right now is to shed off that 3kg.
Preferably, before school begins. (:

And yes, i've found a new partner.

Sepi Bila Kau Tiada

2008-10-05T21:46:00.005+08:00

I swear that the following video consist of noone whom i know.
I was youtube-ing when i bumped into their video.
Cross my heart, i was really taken aback by their talents.
Looks can be deceiving at times, aye?
Don't be surprise that this is their original song.
Lyrics/Sounds were composed by the vocalist on the right.

AWESOME!

I salute to these boys.

will you listen?

2008-10-05T21:07:00.004+08:00

I can't foresee myself doing this.
Please please please. Stay away from me.

I'm not ready to be commited yet.
So, will you please stop trying?
Cos i'm not going to open the doors for you.
Not now. Not at this moment.

I know you're trying real hard to win me back.
But, it's not leading you to anywhere.

So, please. Listen.
Stop wasting your time upon me.

the old times

2008-10-04T22:33:00.002+08:00

I was so happy to finally meet him again! (:

Now, it's just like the first day when we got to know each other. Then, our friendship grew closer and closer as days/months passed by. I really like that. And i really like YOU to remain it that way.

Because boy, you really mean it when you said you don't want to lose someone special like me. Although we're just friends now, you're still able to make me smile and feel happy whenever i'm around with you.

You're the greatest ex friend, ever.
<3

random

2008-10-04T02:14:00.002+08:00

1. What can you say about your latest ex?
/ hilarious, crazy and honest.

2. Who was the last person you whispered to?
/ if i whisper, no one can hear me. cos my voice itself is soft.

3. What song is playing right now?
/ Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You

4. Are you using a laptop or computer?
/ laptop!

5. What does it feel being in love?
/ sweet at first. but it always turns sour at the end of it.

6. What's in your system right now?
/ Windows Live Messenger, msn conversation with Khairil, blogger.

7. Look at your right, what do you see?
/ cupboards.

8. What's the closest thing yellow to you?
/ the table cloth

9. What can you say about your classroom?
/ i don't have a specific classroom to study. mine is all over the place.

10. Wearing anything special right now?
/ no. why should i?

11. Can you dance?
/ yes. it's been my passion after singing.

12. Who do you hate right now?
/ not wanted by anyone.

13. What's your favorite subject(s)?
/ e-maths, chemistry, physics, english.

14. Are you friends with your ex(es)'s brother/sister?
/ no.

15. Where are you right now?
/ living room

16. Who was the last person you texted?
/ nazri

17. What kind of "teenager" are you?
/ the coolest person on earth. trust me. ask my friends.

18. Do you smoke? Have you ever tried smoking?
/ yes i smoke. and i still am.

19. Have you drinked beer with friends?
/ nah. i can't stand the smell of beer even!

20. Do you look different in pictures compared to your real physical appearance?
/ people say i do. but i'm not sure about myself, though.

21. Who's seated next to you in class?
/ ntah eh. i keep changing places.

22. And at the back of you?
/ the wall. i always sit right behind. (:

23. Are you a teacher's pet?
/ naaah.

24. Do you break rules in school?
/ many times!

25. Have you worn shorts within your campus?
/ yup. when i had my guitar camp. red somemore!

26. What color is your cellphone?
/ BLACK! <33

28. Describe your hair.
/ all messed up and silky.

29. Do you like making friends with handsome guys/pretty girls?
/ of course. i make friends with anyone i like. be it a retard, a nerd etc

30. Who do you miss?
/ i just miss being the old me. i'm always noisy most of the time.

31. Who was the last person who made you sad?
/ that idiot.

32. What are your nicknames?
/ suzy, zyla, zee, lala, ella

33. What does your special someone think of you?
/ he thinks i'm special. serious!

34. Do you read the answers of the one who posted this before you?
/ duh. you have to go through it, somehow.

last day

2008-10-03T23:09:00.006+08:00

I have no freaking idea when will that cousin of mine upload the Hari Raya (family) pictures on his Facebook! Told me, he would upload it soon. How soon? He didn't specify. I guess, it'll take ages! Can never trust his words. Grr!

Anyhoos, anyhaas. I'm finally done with my attachment! :D

Since it was my last day just now, i purposely went M.I.A and escaped from my duties on and off. I have no idea how many times i went missing. But there was this particular time when my staff nurse was looking all over for me. And when she finally saw me, she said, "ehhh, there you are! where were you? i really miss you, you know!" I gave her that cheeky smile, still not telling her my whereabouts. I asked her, "wassup?" She said, "i just need your help to change diaper for bed ... ". By then, Santi was already putting on the apron and gloves. Knowing she was doing it (willingly for me), i went missing again. Hee!

Then, later in the afternoon (when i came back from somewhere), i was startled to see there are no patients in my cubicle. At one point i thought i was in the wrong ward until i saw familiar faces. Got to know, 4 of my patients had already been discharged. The other 2 went for an appointment. Which means, no patients to take care of! Knowing it -cubicle- was already empty, i continued to roam about and eventually went missing (AGAIN). But of course, i came back for the afternoon central-report before i ended my day down there.

The most touching part was the NYPians gathered together to give a short speech for all the sisters & staff nurses in Ward 9C. Actually it was only Santi and Melissa who did the talking lah. The rest were extras! LOL. So yeah. Santi cried! I, who was standing beside her, was really stunned. My hands couldn't even move to console her. Cos i simply don't find the situation to be solemn at all! Plus, she was the only one who cried. The rest of us just kept looking at her. ROFL. Nevertheless, she managed to cool down herself lah. (:

Took some pictures with some of the staffs and the year 3s. Gonna make this experience a momento one! Honestly, i really enjoyed working with them. The people are really very nice. So nice that no words could express my thankfulness for them. I'm so gonna miss them, definitely!

To view the pictures, click here.

nyum nyum!

2008-10-02T21:44:00.003+08:00

FINALLY!

I've managed to put on a few pounds. It took me more than a month just to gain 3kg! I used to weigh 42kg. Now, it's 45kg! YAY! My mission has finally accomplished. And i guess, i'm gonna remain as that way. I look like a stick when i was 42kg. LOL!

And yesterday, celebration of Hari Raya, it was pure boredom! Not many of my cousins gather at oureveryyearreport place, ie hala ikah's house. So, no chaos. No kecohrableness. Plus, i only visited 3 houses for that one whole pathetic day! And 3 houses = duit raya collection tak banyak. Seeeee, now do you know why i didn't even want to celebrate this occasion? I already had this gut feeling that it won't be joyful this year. Pfft!

But whatever it is, at least i enjoyed EATING. Hee! I had 4 rounds in total of eating ketupat/lontong with all the delicious side dishes at their houses. Plus not to forget, i ate quite a lot of kek lapis at Abang Lali's house although i knew i was already full. I really ate like as though i've not eaten for a year! Hehe. Glutton!

Perhaps, that 3kg add-on came from yesterday's load.
I wasn't feeling hungry at all today. Suprisingly, i only had a meal for the day!

-P.S-
Tomorrow's my last day of attachment! YESSA!

Eid Mubarak preparation

2008-09-30T23:17:00.004+08:00

OH SHIT!

The creamy butter cookies that my aunt bought meant for raya is partially gone! I hope she won't be furious when she sees it. Cos i was the one who ate the cookies. HELP.

Anyway, my mum's applying henna on my hair. In fact, i had dyed my hair reddish brown the other day. But it only could be seen under the sunlight. So, to make it more obvious, i used the brown henna that my mom bought the other time. I still don't know how the aftermath look like. But i hope, it looks deadly obvious. Haha. Thanks umi! You eventually got your hands dirtied too! :P

And my mum is eating her own rendang and lontong right now. Sheeesh! Tak ajak! AKU PUN NAK JOIN!

Here i go for my eating marathon. Ciao!

yay yay!

2008-09-29T23:50:00.004+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahin & Batin!
in advance.

AND BESOK DAH LAST DAY OF PUASA! YESSA!

[insert big wide smile (x2)]

killer sounds at s'pore's grand pix

2008-09-28T23:34:00.009+08:00

I watched the Formula One race LIVE, afterall. *big grins*

No words could describe the real feelings of mine. But seriously, it was a great experience! For those who don't know, Fernando Alonso won the race. I was expecting Kimi Raikkonen to win. Sadly, he got crashed during the last 4 laps of the race. There goes his red hot car. Boohoo! (Siak peh Suzy. Pentingkan kereta dulu daripada driver dia. LOL.)

Oh wells.

Still, it was superb! Will never forget this day and the person who paid for my tix. He initially made it a big suprise for me. I THANK YOU, truely. And thanks for the ride home, yeah. Thanks thanks THANKS! (:

datedatedate

2008-09-28T00:52:00.002+08:00

Date with Dyla a few hours ago. Helped her to look for her beg raya all the way from Causeway Point to Bugis Junction. In the end, it wasn't her who did the shopping. It was ME!

[insert big wide smile]

Almost done with the shopping, we went to break our fast at Zam Zam. I ordered a medium size murtabak while she ordered chicken briyani. While eating, i was distracted by the sounds of the Formula One race cars, zoooooming their way through the qualifying rounds. Although it was a bit annoying to hear, i eventually grew a tad excited all over it. I mean, FINALLY, there's a F1 race in Singapore. LOL. Now then i can declare that Kimi Raikkonen (sp?) is/was in Singapore. YAY!

Anyway, back to US.

Dyla and I were like Humpty Dumpt(ies) after we ate. We couldn't walk nor breathe properly because we were too FULL. I had no idea how i managed to gobble up the murtabak alone, knowing that i have small body size. Dyla, on the other hand, managed to stop herself at the correct timing. Which leads to, me, feeling much more suffocated than her. LOL. Oh wells ~ I LOVE FOOD. Nothing new. (:

Once we're done, headed to Bugis Street to look for more stuffs. Bumped into Fadhullah and his girlfriend along the way. [insert that 'ifinallycaughtyou' face]

By 8.30pm, we, wait NO, i was done with shopping. I thought of heading to East Coast to attend the GC's bbq pit. Knowing that they won't stay long, i decided not to go. :( Instead, went down to Punggol to meet my mum and the rest at Kak Heli's place. Entertained the kids. (:

So, here i am now. Feeling so lethargic and sleepy. I guess i'm dozing off soon. Ciao!

pictures of you

2008-09-27T01:54:00.003+08:00

I finally teared up, a month plus after the break-up.

What saddens me the most.

"the once 150306 couple...is revived now...

n it won't extinct as long as my heart beat n my blood flows..."

What hurts me the most.

"i fear what will happen to me if u leave me..."

- http://www.muska-killer.blogspot.com/ -

It's I, who fear. Not you. You were daring enough to leave behind all those fond memories of us. It's I, who doesn't want it to end. Yet, you've just ended it, for the second time. I suppose, this will be a permanent goodbye for you, for me. The revival can't be revived back. Not anymore.

Yet, against all the hatred i have on you, why do i still think about you?

Just why.

the guy in my ward

2008-09-26T23:40:00.004+08:00

I'm done with my second week of attachment. Next week's the last. :(

Abang Cool (one of the patients in my ward) bought some food for me, my staff nurse and the Health Assistant to break our fast together. So sweet eh? And my H.A told me that he had actually paid for my food! Laggiii sweet. I don't know why but my gut feeling says that he's been wanting to start a conversation with me for such a long time. And only yesterday, he had the chance to do so. LOL. I suppose i was too busy running around the ward that he had a hard time to grab my attention. Heh.

So, how did it all started?

I went into the cubicle that he was in, the other day. I wanted to look for someone when he saw me. Out of the blue, he said,

"Yes girl, nak apa?

I smiled and said, "Takda pape."

Then he asked, "Nama saper?" while trying to look at my name tag.

I said, "Suzyla" and smiled again.

He asked, "First year student eh? Brape lama attachment?".

I replied, "3 minggu jer. Next week dah last."

He asked again. "Abih pastu buat apa?"

I said, "Sekolah balik lah."

While he was saying "ohhh.", i quickly get out from there and continue with my work. I didn't want to get caught by the sister for not doing my duty.

From that day onwards, we started talking to each other. Whenever he passby my cubicle, he will look in and smile whenever he sees me. Haha. The reason why i called him Abang Cool was because of his haircut. He looks much more neater and better-looking now compared to his previous one - which looks more like an ah-beng.

But now, i have another name to add in for him.
Abang Cool Mentel.

You go figure.

-P.S-
I look more feminine now. Rambut dah panjang, beb. WEEE!

proactive student kaper.

2008-09-25T23:10:00.014+08:00

Mid-posting's clinical feedback by the clinical instructor, herself (Mdm Sim Khee Meng).

"Suzyla is a proactive student. Has performed her assigned duties competently. She perform last offices with respect and confidence. For year one level student, she has done well. Keep it up!"

Instead of feeling amused, i totally laughed at myself after reading it. It was an unexpected remark to be given by her. I thought she would state that i'm a problematic, defiant student (well, after the complain i received from Sister Tilaga, saying that i'm not putting on any professional image in the hospital/ward). I simply don't understand why she has to keep emphasizing on the 'last office'. What's the speciality in it? Besides that the patient is already dead, of course. What? My courage? You know what. I think i should end up being a coroner instead since i have so much interest in that category. Really.

But nah. I can't go far being a coroner. I'm still going to stick with my plan.
National University of Singapore, Bachelor of Science (Nursing) Degree.
My next aim after diploma.

And then, maybe i'll proceed with my Advanced Dip in A&E or Operating Theatre.

And then, it goes on and on until i finally graduate with a pHD. That's when i'll finally stop studying.

Crazy, ain't i? I know it's not easy. But i'm deadly serious in chasing after my dream. Somehow, i'm gonna turn it in to a reality, one day. With much perseverance and determination. Insyallah. (:

no mood

2008-09-24T22:57:00.004+08:00

Honestly, i'm not looking forward to celebrate this year's Hari Raya. Don't ask me why. Something is just amissed. The feeling isn't there anymore. I didn't even go to the Geylang bazaar to see the light-ups, buy some clothings/shoes/accessories etc like i used to. Neither did i grab any delicious bites like deng deng or did henna on my hand. I seriously don't find the season to be joyous anymore. It may be wonderful if i celebrate with the special one. But now, celebrating Hari Raya is like replaying the scenes all over again. Yes, memories! You wouldn't know how much i abhor them. Urgh!

I've told my mum that on the first day of Raya, if possible, i do not want to go for any house visits. No duit raya is still no big deal to me. What's the point celebrating the occasion with an empty feeling, right? Suprisingly my mum understood how i felt. But she's more worried about what the family might think if we didn't show up on the first day. Oh wells ~

What good excuses can i give?

-P.S-
Doctors (in the ward) are arrogant people. Hate it!

paaaaaaaain

2008-09-24T16:06:00.003+08:00

I am down with a sudden attack of giddyness. And i'm still experiencing it right at this moment. Had it in the ward right after my lunch-break. And no, i've yet to break my fast. Still thinking whether i should cos the time is only 4.09pm. Just a few more hours left. Hmm. CEPATLAH!

Currently in school's computer lab with Sharin. Bumped into him at the escalator when i was about to leave TTSH. Coincidentally, we were posted in the same hospital - only we didn't know. LOL! (Never bother to ask.) The both of us will be attending our guitar lessons later. And that's why we're here, in the lab, wasting our time instead of resting at home. Bluergh. Well, i should be the one resting at home since i'm feeling giddy! =/ But, nah. If i were to rest, i would fall asleep. Once i fall asleep, i can never wake up on my own. Seriously!

But, since he's here, might as well i make use of him as my human alarm-clock. Heh!

So, good afternoon/evening readers.
Suzyla's signing off.

reasons

2008-09-23T20:57:00.004+08:00

thefacadeof-joviality
themisdemeanour
thecordialmove

and now,

thealteredmishaps.

Amongst all these blogs i've created, thecordialmove is the one that contains many fondest memories. And that's the reason why i just had to change my link. :(

Plus, if i were to continue using that blog, i doubt that i will move on. Time will definitely delay me from healing because i will just keep on reading my own history. I dislike living in the memories. It hurts terribly.

Not to forget, i don't like people from my past to check on me. Cos once you're in past, you will forever remain in my past. I know i'm mean. But for once, i want things to be followed my way. I simply had enough of making self-sacrifices.

Now, have i answered your doubts?